End of May Blues

It is amazing how quickly a month flies by. It was literally just May 1st and now we are nearing the end of the month and respectfully, my birthday. We have been busy this past month with just random things. Jerry has gotten the job at the prison and will hopefully start in the next week or two. I am staying where I am at and just pushing my hours around to accommodate Jerry watching Logan on his days off.

We have hit a HUGE milestone where Logan is concerned. One day, I just decided that Logan was going to wear underwear to bed. He has been wearing overnights, which are the big kid form of pull ups because he is too big for the pull ups. Well, he's been asking to sleep in his underwear and protests to sleeping or even looking at pull ups, so we decided that he would sleep in underwear as a trial. I had extra sheets laid out and ready for the middle of the night change and an extra set of clothes for him ready to go, with the pull up. To my surprise, Logan stayed dry. We celebrated and he wanted to sleep another night in his underwear. I gave in, thinking that maybe he was trying to tell me he was ready. We are now a week in and we have stayed dry the whole week!!!!!! He's even gotten accustomed to NO SIPPY CUP at bedtime! I never thought I would see that because we have had a sippy cup at bedtime since he was off the bottle. He still wakes up in the middle of the night but not for a drink anymore! There were tears from mommy because he just randomly does things. I was just getting used to him being okay when I left for work and then BAM!, he's completely potty trained, even night time trained. He was ecstatic to know that he got a prize for being a big boy and he received a LEGO Iron Man/Avengers set. Yes, LEGO---- I swore up and down that those toys would never come into my house because I remember stepping on Jake's or going to Aunt Kate's house and stepping on Garry's Lego's. Thanks to Jerry, we are now the proud owners of about 250 little itty bitty teeny tiny lego pieces and I honestly couldn't be more amazed. Logan sat there for 2 hours the first day and helped Jerry build all his legos. Then, he will grab his lego suitcase and play for hours and hours. He tears apart the original design of the lego and create something different. Yes, I have  a smart kid:)

Tomorrow, Jerry is taking me out for my birthday! He is still working at Gilman's until he starts the overnight shift at the prison. He has 2-3 weeks of training Monday through Thursday so he's going to work the next two weeks while they find his replacement, I believe, which will be nice because the Gilman's paycheck can go directly to us moving! Anyways, Jerry is taking me to a waterfall/nature trail in Lake City per my request. I have fallen in love with trails and any time I can get to one, I'm going! My mom has even made my Ice Cream Cake and we are having my traditional NACHO dinner. We are doing everything tomorrow because Jerry works on my actual birthday, which landed on a Saturday this year.

Mornings are making me think

A few things have changed but a lot has stayed the same. Logan has turned 3 and I thought my mom was joking when she said the third year was worse than the second.....OH BOY!!!! This child challenges everything. First month or two, we thought it was cute. He's becoming more independent and vocal. He demands more than we ever thought a child would, he screams, talks back, If I go to pop him and don't connect very well, he goes "miss me".....I was a SAINT as a child, where is that in mine?! LOL I love him but wow! That boy goes from 7am to 9:30pm with no nap and no signs of slowing down. I went to work one day and a lady asked about my son and I told her a few things about Logan, especially the being up anywhere from 12 to 16 hours straight and she said Edison, Franklin and Einstein were all like this as a kid:) That sure brightened up my day!

With Logan's update, he has now gotten completely out of the baby section at stores:( We have switched over to the boys department and let me tell you, their clothes are not as cute and even more expensive. He wears a small in most things now and the waist on him has bumped him up to a 6 or 7. I went to a sale the beginning of April for Logan some clothes, came back with a bunch and bought a size bigger than what he had previously, yeah, he's outgrown that. The stretchy basketball shorts are my best friend now. I try to buy matching sets, but with him, the pants are too small (too long and that baby belly is still there) and then if I buy the shorts big enough, the shirt swallows him...lol and I don't even want to go near the shoes anymore. I went to Payless to get shoes for him Thursday and I came home with 11.5 and 12 sizes! Those things are HUGE! 

However, regardless of size or attitude, he's still my baby and I love him!

I currently work as a transcriber for a co-op company. I'm getting very good at it and although it doesn't bring much income, it helps until Jerry can find a job. He had an interview with Lawtey Correctional Institute and we are just waiting for them to call back with a yay or nay. It would be nice, but I don't know about the overnight schedule happening again. I just hope he heard my thoughts and wishes if we do end up a nighshift family again. I am contemplating quitting my job when he gets set at the prison, if he gets it.....Daycare costs are just too high and if I work more hours, the rates go up. I work 16 hours and bring home about 140 a week. The cheapest daycare, who, checked with the hours and since Logan would be gone by naptime and not there at all on Fridays, the director was willing to give me the part time rate, which was 130 a week and she was 20 minutes from my job. That would require Logan and I to get up at 5am and be out the door by 6 to have him at daycare and me at work by 7 so I  can work 4-5 hours and then go get him. That leaves me 10.00 for the week for gas and food for work. It's been nice having one of us home with Logan at all times when the other goes to work. 

Thanks to previous years and jobs, I know that we can survive nicely on an income solely from the prison. Budgeting is one of my favorite things to do. I don't always follow it but I know what we have and what we don't have. We agreed that we love the apartments that we used to live in and know that we can afford the rent and utilities as well as groceries and gas and a couple of extras., granted we are on prison paychecks. 

I understand that Jerry might not get the job at the prison because of the way he left. He left without notice one night and never looked back. By the grace of God, he got a job three days later at the sawmill. That still haunts me. I don't think I have ever been so mad at Jerry before when that happened. We had no income and he couldn't wait for another job, he just called one night and told me he was quitting. We had bills to pay, a child to feed and clothe and he just quit the job like it was nothing. What would've happened if the sawmill wasn't hiring? That's right, he didn't know. I have been working off and on since September of 2013 and I will tell you, I hate it. I really do. I miss out on being with Logan. I love my parents but I want to be out on my own again. I want to be able to clean my house my way. I miss cooking for my family. I miss movie nights in the living room. I miss picnics in a blanket tent with Logan in the living room. 

I am very thankful for them that they took us in when we needed it most. It's been over a year. Jerry's going to school part time in the fall(maybe) and trying to find a full time job so that we can move. However, he's only applied to the prison because a friend told him that he could get in. He's put all his eggs in one basket and I'm extremely nervous. I pray day and night that he finds something before the tension in the house rises and things are said that don't need to be said. The most hours I can work is 5 hours a day. My eyes and ears begin to lose focus after about 5 hours of sitting there listening to dictations. 

I don't know. All I can really say is pray. I'm praying that things ease up soon and we can be on our own. I'm praying that everyone's temper can hold out just a little bit longer and I pray that people quit talking behind my back about my life because I can hear them and it hurts. 

Torn between 2 feelings.........

Well, I am going back to work. I possibly have a job at a new daycare will continue to work there for a while....Logan will start going with me when Jerry resumes college classes in January. I am a little apprehensive about going back to work. First time didn't end so well, even though I have been substitute teaching since Logan was 1 1/2. I am blessed to have been able to spend the first couple years of Logan's life at home, watching all of his firsts:) Heck, he is even potty trained WAYYYY before Jerry and I envisioned him being potty trained. He is incredibly smart and very responsive to EVERYTHING! He's very gentle and loving, always willing to help mommy clean or cook. I know this will help ease our financial troubles and get us to where we can live on our own, I just still feel a little bit torn. I know he will be fine. He LOVES to be with other kids and I am going to be in the next room. I can see him anytime....and the joy is Logan will be with me.
 It's gonna be an adjustment but hopefully I can make it easily, as well as Logan and Jerry and We can begin rebuilding our lives again.

 We are blessed beyond measure at the amount of love and support our family gives us. Not many parents are willing to open their house for an unknown period of time to let their daughter's family move in. My parents have gone above and beyond anything I have ever dreamed to help us out. Jerry's grandmother as well! I know with these three people helping us become better spouses and parents, we are going to head in the right direction:)

Terrible Twos? Where??? LOL

I constantly have to remind myself that my son is really only 2 years old. He's completely potty trained(OH Yes!!!!) and he pretty much self-handles everything! The baby I once had has turned into a boy and I am excited yet sad to see him grow up. Our next step is taking clothes off and on by himself LOL. He has learned colors Red, Blue, Green, Yellow, Black and Brown, Letters A, B and C and Numbers 1 and 2. We began introducing shapes today, which was a Circle- I drew one for him to see and gave him the marker to try----First circle he has ever drawn and he EXCELLED!!! Maybe I am a little biased as he is my son:) But I have a feeling I have a genius on my hands!!! He loves music and can either tap his foot or actually dance to the beat, He's already reciting More Than A Good Man by VBS AGENCY D3 and In Summer from Frozen! He speaks well, we are however, taking him to speech therapy due to Letters S, H, and F. He has trouble pronouncing them and it basically boils down to the time he was tongue tied.

 It's extremely hard to take in that he is almost 3 years old(and he has NO siblings) He LOVES robots, astronauts, dinosaurs and superheroes~That INCLUDES Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. He is even a ninja turtle for Halloween. We have a Captain America Mask and an ENTIRE Hulk Costume. This little boy LOVES to dress up and he plays the parts so well!

 He also loves riding his tractor like poppy would ride his. He pretends to mow the lawn and it is funny! I really should invest in a video camera so I can record these moments.
 We still have a little trouble with listening and temper tantrums, but I am 23 and mine haven't completely stopped yet either. lol

Potty Training, School and Bills- OH MY!!!

Yep, you heard right...potty training! First 5 days were amazing! We had 3 accidents the first day, and 1 the second and third day...fourth day, 2 accidents, 5th, none! Now, we are just completely forgetting about it! If I don't take him to the bathroom, he will not go and when he poops, he will take off his underwear, wherever he is, dump the poop on the floor or in the trashcan and continue about his business....how do I find out? Because he leaves his underwear for me to find, his butt covered in poop and is still playing when I come get him to go potty.....HE is definitely all boy!  We have also started sleeping ALMOST all night again in our own bed! He goes straight to sleep, most nights, all by himself:) I thank Jerry for that because I was content with rocking him until he was a teenager.

Jerry's school is going good. Though we literally never see him. He works 7a-7p Saturday and Sunday and then when he gets home he finishes any school work that requires internet. Monday and Wednesday he has school from 10a-215p...He gets home about 330 and then he's doing school work Monday night, Tuesday, Wednesday Night, Thursday and Friday...and honestly, God help anyone who distracts him. *I am being completely honest here* Since starting school, and yes, I understand there is a transition period....He has become quite the butt. I continue to pray daily, now it has become multiple times a day....that he starts seeing how he treats his family and changes, but I am beginning to doubt he will. Last week, he spent a total of 4 hours with Logan...and it was mainly because I had Jerry keep Logan when I went grocery shopping with Mom.
 I am seriously wearing thin. I feel like I am doing everything by myself and If I bring anything up about finances or taking a break so that he can spend time with Logan, he goes off. I used to blame his childhood for his actions and in some ways, it is, but after 15-18 years, you should be able to make decisions based on different actions and ways. I'm currently looking for a job again because even though he said I could quit and stay home with Logan, I feel like if I don't, we will never financially be able to do anything. My car has been broken down for roughly 2 months, Logan needs a bigger carseat(I didn't know he outgrew his carseat after 40 inches and 40 pounds, both of which he has met...We need a new stroller, and honestly, we need a place of our own. I love my parents, but comments are starting to be made, and I do ask for some of them, but I still hear them talking when I have left the room. I just don't know what to do anymore. Do I love him, Yes. Do I love the way he acts and treats me about things? No......

Catching Up

We have moved back in with my parents....We are DONE having roommates- horrible experiences every time we have them. I started working at O2B kids in April and have quit since July 27th. IT was honestly wearing on mine and Jerry's relationship and I truly missed being a stay at home mom. Jerry starts school the 18th to pursue an education in Environmental Sciences. Logan is being mouthy as ever and has learned to say "SHUT UP" so we are quickly correcting that!

 Things are slowly getting better for us. Jerry and I are still fighting off and on, And Logan is still as determined as ever to figure out how the world works lol. He has become the brightest little boy I know.

Logan's 2

So, Logan has already turned 2...Had a nice Mickey Mouse party at moms and he was ecstatic! The "terrific twos" have kicked in and he is definitely a handful. I put him to bed one night a couple nights ago and when he woke up, I had a very verbal child! He is putting words together to make sentences and just putting names to every object in the house...and MOST OF THEM ARE CORRECT! If something scares him its a RAWR, if something looks like a horse(cow, donkey), It's a yeehaw...even cowboys and cowboy hats are yeehaws!