Looking through the past, Living during the present, Looking towards the future

Have you ever just sat back and looked at the decisions you have made in life? I did that just the other day, and being just shy of 20 years old, things are almost EXACTLY where I wanted them to be when I wrote my "dreams" down in a pink journal my gramma gave me for my 16th birthday. Only thing is, college is on hold and I am not married yet... which is fine. On the other hand, I wrote that by my 20th birthday, I wanted to have a job, be out of my parent's house and indepedent, find  wonderful man that keeps me on my toes, and let loose a little more. I have completed all of those. Well, not quite there on the independent stuff...it'll get there. Though I never would have imagined I would have found a man like Jerry.(I'm going to be mushy for a minute-bear with me...lol)- Though we have our fights and our differences, I have never met anyone who can make me smile just by looking at me. He is definitely my rock. Ever since I was 3-4 years old, I wanted to go on Supermarket Sweeps(old game show that came on before Jeopardy-don't judge me!) and find a Hubband....Well,the show got cancelled by the time I was 9, so that was a bust. However, I wasn't giving up on the hubband...I do believe I have found him, but with him, I have to be patient. He is not quite ready to become a married man. SideNote-I believe marriage, to most men, is the number one scariest thing they will ever do. It's a committment not easily broken. I, too, am not quite ready to get married, but knowing me, if he asked tomorrow, we all know what my answer would be! And kids!!!! At 16, I wanted 8 kids(was I on crack?) Named Abigail Melissa, Madelyn Rose, Andrew Brynn, Matthew James, Ezekial Alexander, Josephine Marie, Evan Michael, and Jessica Kate. Now- It's 3 kids(maybe) named Mason Cole(per Jerry), Erin Lynne and Jessalyn Lavonne(jerry's gma who raised him). Though I know I may have more than one son, or no sons...I have particularily become fond on the name Kyrian...... I often wonder what it would be like to wake up every day, with Jerry as my husband and kids jumping on the bed waking mommy and daddy up...that's my dream right now. I dream the same dream almost every night....I wake up, make breakfast, sit at the table in the dining room and look around, there's Jerry at the head of the table, 2 small kids sitting at the table, (i cant ever tell what they are because it's a blur) and I'm pregnant with our third. Cryxis joined the dream when we got him. It's like my subconscious sees my everyday life and then mixes it in with the reality I someday want. It's weird, but it is the most amazing dream I have ever dreamed. I cannot wait for it to come true. All in good time.... Presently, Jerry and I have only talked about kids a handful of times. We both agree nows not the best time. Though we do want kids eventually...Cryxis will do for now! I just thought I would put that little bit up here..still looking through the rest

our newest addition:)

Meet our new baby boy:)

 CRYXIS

It's Been Awhile

Well, I guess I've been slacking on my blogging...lol. Not much has really changed here other than the fact that we've moved....YUP....I got the MOST STUBBORN man to move out of his grandfathers house! We moved in with a couple of friends(rent is expensive!) and got away from some personal things that were causing a LOT of problems. Jerry got certified as a Correctional Officer in January and this past month, he was scheduled to start working midnight shift(12-8) at the prison. It's a little harder to adjust to this shift because when we would normally be doing something(fishing, shooting pool or just lounging around) we are sleeping. Also, we have a new addition to the family:) A PUPPY! His name is Krixis and he's a chocolate long-haired dauchsund. Pics will be up shortly, due to my ipod self-destructing and my camera not working half the time, I cannot take or post pictures to anything! But....that's it for now...I guess I'll post again later when something else happens.....

OCTOBER!!!

ok, started new job...went from cashier to sales associate...A LOT BETTER! More hours actually:) Jerry's doing amazing with his training for C.O. Getting up at 5am Monday thru Thursday with him and then making sure he has everything for that day(few times he's had to come back and get things..even left his keys in the house door.) It hasn't been really dull here lately. We still live with his grandfather, but I am ready to move into a place of our own(financially not possible right now). We've gotten to where we rarely see eachother...I'm off Wed/Thursdays and he's off Fri-Sun. I see him between 5am-6am, but it's not really quality time as due to the facts he's showering and getting ready for work(I make lunches!) and then if I'm working, I won't get off until 11 at night when he gets off at 5:30, so he's asleep by the time I get home...I do love Wednesday and Thursday nights...even with the HALO playing.*video game jerry LOVES* That's our time...we usually stay at the house and just lounge around. Honestly, I do miss him being unemployed once in a while...NOT the no income part...the fact that I only worked maybe 16 hours a week, so there were like 4-5 days where we could do whatever we wanted(with limited funds) and not worry bout being up at 5 the next morning or having clothes ready and washed for work. Life has definitely knocked on the door and awakened us! I am thankful everyday that God has given Jerry this amazing job! I am a nervous person with the Prison because he's always talking about Shanks and riots, which scare me...however I, too have my application floating around the North Region of florida looking to become a C.O., however, after my probation and my 2 yrs is up I would more than likely go to the police force or private investigation. I have been shown careness and concern from Jerry because when I did tell him that I had applied for those positions of UCI and RMC, he told me that even though he did it, he doesnt feel comfortable with me working there...he said I couldn't handle it, which I was stubborn and told him "I'll prove it" he said, the way the men would treat you out there (inmates and other C.O.'s) he doesn't want to see me get hurt...so I pretty much dropped the idea. Mainly, because I love Jerry and I know he was only saying that because he's seen it and he knows me and how much I CAN handle. Still didn't stop me from trying ONE MORE TIME! If they call me, I will proceed, if not, God and Jerry have decided it's not what's best for me. ANYWAYS, Halloween is around the corner! I'm gonna either be a fairy or a nurse....got Jerry dressing up! We have a party we are going to the 30th, so I guess he's only doing it for that:) Guess I'll quit typing...fingers are cramping!

August 2010

Okay... finally have a new job... a cashier at Walmart... not exactly what I WANTED to do, but hey... I'm not complaining... got a little bit of a pay cut, but working 30 hours a week is definitely making up for it!!! 9 months with Jerry.... he starts his new job as a correctional officer on the 20th---we are both very excited... we both have new and better jobs, better pay and we will soon be able to pay bills on our own! That's been my goal. I thank mom and dad for being there when i need them and the very FEW times that I don't. I don't know what I would do without them:) Finally cooking a few meals here and there for me and Jerry... Made pizza, ham and au gratin potatoes, ham and pineapple on rice, and nachos...(all different nights) the only mishap i had was the oven cooks just a little bit faster than moms oven so when I went by what moms oven did, I ended up burning the pizza... he ate it... but complained just a little bit. Visiting Gramma and Papa has been delayed yet again due to the fact that I'm on a 90 day probation at work, and I don't really know when my days off are yet... we might just go down for a day sometime near in the future...hopefully BEFORE christmas, but I'm not promising ANYTHING!

June 20th

Happy Father's Day!!!
Well, day started off rocky. I'm not going to lie about that. Woke up about 11am. Which hasn't happened in a while. Usually getting up between 7-9am. Lounged around for a bit with Jerry and I get a text from mom saying Lunch is on it's way. So Jerry and I start getting ready to leave, however, we had a few delays. Needless to say, I was very frustrated and not a happy person when I walked in the door to my parents house, who have already eaten father's day lunch together and dad already on the couch watching movies. Things really change when you move out. You miss so much. You forget that things don't wait on you anymore. You have your life, they have theirs. Still trying to get over all of that. Anyways, living with Jerry is good. We do fight sometimes, not as often as we did before we took a "break". As painful as that was, it was the best thing for us...7 months and going strong. we don't even count that as a break. Still looking for another job...though I am very lazy on that. I really hate my job but i'm one of those people who wants a job to land on their lap. I know it's not going to happen though:(
Oh well, I am planning on going to Alabama in August. First trip i've gone on since April. (I know I've missed a lot) Hopefully going to drag Jerry with me so we can take his car(I love it)(better gas mileage than my truck.) and he can meet the rest of my Alabama family.

random thoughts...

I have caught myself wondering alot lately about what direction my life is going in. Since I was 8 years old, I've wanted to be a teacher, but now that I am in school and pursuing that career choice, I constantly find myself thinking about other choices... Like for instance, even though some people don't believe I can do it, I would like to further myself into Correctional Officer... I've sent in an application, however they have not gotten back to me yet. I truly believe that if this is meant to be, it'll happen. I'm not going to push it. I've also changed my major to Early Childhood Development instead of Elementary Education...which really is just an age difference in teaching.. I will be teaching Pre-K to Kindergarden instead of 1-5th grade. I've moved back home due to some financial situations, however I am not giving up. I will end up moving back out, just not right now. I currently still work at Hell Dixie... not going to change for awhile, because everywhere that I have looked or applied to just aren't hiring right now:( Jerry and I are also still dating... Five months April 11th:) I'm not going to lie, it has been rough. I think in some areas of our relationship we grew stronger while other areas failed. We still have a communication problem, but only to the extent that we don't pay attention to eachother. Mainly me, he says something and I'm off in LALA land...He's a pretty amazing guy. he's still currently looking for a job, but I have faith in him and cannot wait to see him succeed in whatever he does.