Mornings are making me think

A few things have changed but a lot has stayed the same. Logan has turned 3 and I thought my mom was joking when she said the third year was worse than the second.....OH BOY!!!! This child challenges everything. First month or two, we thought it was cute. He's becoming more independent and vocal. He demands more than we ever thought a child would, he screams, talks back, If I go to pop him and don't connect very well, he goes "miss me".....I was a SAINT as a child, where is that in mine?! LOL I love him but wow! That boy goes from 7am to 9:30pm with no nap and no signs of slowing down. I went to work one day and a lady asked about my son and I told her a few things about Logan, especially the being up anywhere from 12 to 16 hours straight and she said Edison, Franklin and Einstein were all like this as a kid:) That sure brightened up my day!

With Logan's update, he has now gotten completely out of the baby section at stores:( We have switched over to the boys department and let me tell you, their clothes are not as cute and even more expensive. He wears a small in most things now and the waist on him has bumped him up to a 6 or 7. I went to a sale the beginning of April for Logan some clothes, came back with a bunch and bought a size bigger than what he had previously, yeah, he's outgrown that. The stretchy basketball shorts are my best friend now. I try to buy matching sets, but with him, the pants are too small (too long and that baby belly is still there) and then if I buy the shorts big enough, the shirt swallows him...lol and I don't even want to go near the shoes anymore. I went to Payless to get shoes for him Thursday and I came home with 11.5 and 12 sizes! Those things are HUGE! 

However, regardless of size or attitude, he's still my baby and I love him!

I currently work as a transcriber for a co-op company. I'm getting very good at it and although it doesn't bring much income, it helps until Jerry can find a job. He had an interview with Lawtey Correctional Institute and we are just waiting for them to call back with a yay or nay. It would be nice, but I don't know about the overnight schedule happening again. I just hope he heard my thoughts and wishes if we do end up a nighshift family again. I am contemplating quitting my job when he gets set at the prison, if he gets it.....Daycare costs are just too high and if I work more hours, the rates go up. I work 16 hours and bring home about 140 a week. The cheapest daycare, who, checked with the hours and since Logan would be gone by naptime and not there at all on Fridays, the director was willing to give me the part time rate, which was 130 a week and she was 20 minutes from my job. That would require Logan and I to get up at 5am and be out the door by 6 to have him at daycare and me at work by 7 so I  can work 4-5 hours and then go get him. That leaves me 10.00 for the week for gas and food for work. It's been nice having one of us home with Logan at all times when the other goes to work. 

Thanks to previous years and jobs, I know that we can survive nicely on an income solely from the prison. Budgeting is one of my favorite things to do. I don't always follow it but I know what we have and what we don't have. We agreed that we love the apartments that we used to live in and know that we can afford the rent and utilities as well as groceries and gas and a couple of extras., granted we are on prison paychecks. 

I understand that Jerry might not get the job at the prison because of the way he left. He left without notice one night and never looked back. By the grace of God, he got a job three days later at the sawmill. That still haunts me. I don't think I have ever been so mad at Jerry before when that happened. We had no income and he couldn't wait for another job, he just called one night and told me he was quitting. We had bills to pay, a child to feed and clothe and he just quit the job like it was nothing. What would've happened if the sawmill wasn't hiring? That's right, he didn't know. I have been working off and on since September of 2013 and I will tell you, I hate it. I really do. I miss out on being with Logan. I love my parents but I want to be out on my own again. I want to be able to clean my house my way. I miss cooking for my family. I miss movie nights in the living room. I miss picnics in a blanket tent with Logan in the living room. 

I am very thankful for them that they took us in when we needed it most. It's been over a year. Jerry's going to school part time in the fall(maybe) and trying to find a full time job so that we can move. However, he's only applied to the prison because a friend told him that he could get in. He's put all his eggs in one basket and I'm extremely nervous. I pray day and night that he finds something before the tension in the house rises and things are said that don't need to be said. The most hours I can work is 5 hours a day. My eyes and ears begin to lose focus after about 5 hours of sitting there listening to dictations. 

I don't know. All I can really say is pray. I'm praying that things ease up soon and we can be on our own. I'm praying that everyone's temper can hold out just a little bit longer and I pray that people quit talking behind my back about my life because I can hear them and it hurts.